Random Thoughts

Last week I had a few hours alone and got to try on a new outfit - black sweater, red and black houndstooth skirt, black textured hose and some new shoes (there's a picture on the sidebar of these) with 4 inch heels.  I did look pretty fine IMHO.  The shoes were great and I didn't fall or stumble.  I'm proud of me as I'm usually clumsy in taller heels.

I got some beard concealer (Ben Nye) from an Amazon.com makeup store.  It works pretty well as a foundation base.

I'm going to see Mistress S in a few days.  I'm thinking about donning wig and a tunic top over jeans and driving there en femme.  It's a little scary especially if parking is bad but the urge may win out.  I've never been in public in my female persona so I'd like to try sometime.  Hopefully there will be a parking place near her building's door.  I'll post later and tell what happened.

A Cautionary Tale

I came to a point a couple of weeks ago where I decided that chest hair was not aesthetically pleasing sticking out of lingerie.  I have been wearing opaque briefers which include the bra and covered down to the crotch. This hid man hair except on the upper chest.  Waxing did not appeal to me so I tried shaving the area.  That worked well except to my surprise I had a chest full of stubble the next day.  I had no idea that chest hair grew that quickly.

I decided to try a hair remover and since my skin tends to be rather sensitive, I did a little research and bought one that promised to be gentle.  I followed the directions carefully and about 10 minutes after the application of the cream, I wiped off the hair.  Wow, smooth, nice!!

I showered and when I dried off, my chest was a little red.  OK, thinks me, that's probably normal and it will be fine in the morning.  In the morning I ran my hand over the area before I got up and was pleased to find no stubble.  When I got to the mirror, I was startled to see that my chest was indeed smooth like a baby's bottom - a baby with a serious case of diaper rash.  I was covered with a red rash over the entire area that I had treated the night before.  No hair just red and itchy!!!

The itch went away after 2 days of allergy ointments and the rash died down to a cluster of red bumps after 2 more days.  The bumps cleared up in about a week about the same time the stubble returned.

Better living through chemistry - NOT!!!

Ahh

Alone at last and LeeLee's loose around the house.  Getting fixed up all the way is more fun than I could have imagined a few months ago.  I've had time to try out some new looks.  I even got my eyes looking pretty good IMHO.  Gave myself a manicure too.  Very nice morning!!!

I think that my skin care regimen that I've adopted for the past couple of months has done well and my makeup really goes on smoother and looks better.  I even seem to notice improvement in my under eye wrinkles.  The skin is definitely smoother and better looking with and without makeup.

All in all this has been a fine, fine day.

Finally - Getting the Girl Out With the Girl

It has been a long time since my last posting.   Life has been complex with family members being ill and needing my time and attention.  This is a recurring thing lately.  The opportunity to dress up and relax has just not been there.  I squeezed in some time to try out some new makeup and shoes but these have been quick and not relaxing at all wondering if someone would come in or up the stairs.  I suppose that a closet CD must face these anxious moments from time to time but it seems that I should be able to carve out a little time alone.  Alas, not so of late.

On the high side of things I was able to visit with the ever wonderful Mistress S a few days ago.  She is so comfortable to be with.  We had some splendid tea and some very chunky peach salsa that she had made.

She is the only person so far who makes it so easy to fit into LeeLee's persona.  I am ever grateful for her acceptance and encouragement.  Mistress S was getting ready to travel to Tampa for the 2008 FetishCon.  We had the chance to talk about it as we listened to a real record that she'd gotten recently - Jefferson Airplane (might have been the Starship incarnation).  We got to talk of music, food, bio diesel cars and lots more.  I will say again that it is a wonderful to be able to chat girl to girl and feel so much enjoyment and acceptance.

This weekend should provide some time for me to be alone for a few hours and be able to let LeeLee loose around the house. I found some really fine Carlo di Roma makeup on sale on eBay.  It is really great stuff and only available in Europe.  I am looking forward to trying it out.

My Foot Fetish ? ? ?

It's probably not really a fetish, but what is it that compels me to shop shoe bargains.  In my male persona I may buy a pair of shoes every year or two.  When Leelee takes over, I'm shopping in shoe stores, online, anywhere there is a great bargain on shoes.  Today I got an email from a web site where I've shopped for some ladies wear in the past.  It was advertising 20% off the first item you buy and 40% off the third item.  Sounds great so where do I head but the the clearance shoes.  After all, 40% off a clearance is a great deal.

I plan the purchases so that my first buy is for a pair of wedge sandals already on sale for under $25.  The third item is a pair of pearl pumps with an ankle strap on sale for under $35 but NOW 40% off.  My breathing is heavy!

What you may ask was my second item at regular price?  A pair of shorts the the guy in me - $5.99.

Again I ponder, what compels the lady in me to be so drawn to shoes.  Maybe because they are so cute; maybe because they look so good on me; maybe because a girl needs comfy shoes for every occasion - I don't know but I think I do know why the ladies' shoe department is so much larger that the men's in every shoe store I have ever been in!

Shoe Whores of the World - you've got a new member :)  Don't get in my way in the clearance aisle! 

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

There hasn't been a lot of time to write this past week and even less to think about what I would like to write.  This evening I had an idea start to crawl around in my head and I decided to sit down and see if I could turn it into words.  I thought I'd take a quick look at Mistress S's blog before I started.  She's added a playlist to her sidebar and the second song that turned up on the list was "Ain't No Sunshine..." by Al Green.  I love that version of this song and I let it play for a minute.  Out of the lyrics as Al Green sang came the reality of the idea that had been toying with me.

For a really long time the essence that has become LeeLee has been hiding out in a side of me that I had been denying.  As I said in a previous post, embarking on the cross dressing life, even in a small way, came from an unexpected combination of circumstances.  Once I embraced the femme side of myself, I found a new "sunshine" that chased away a shadow that I'd lived with for so long.  Today, I realize that this part of me that I can now embrace and cherish is what has filled me up and made my "house" (that's me) a "home" (that's me with LeeLee in my mind).

I know, I know, I know, I know that this time she's going to stay!

What's Normal??

The home place is not normal tonight - there's just me and some animals since family is gone until tomorrow.  It is a good evening to dress up and try out a new wig and body shaper that I have gotten recently.  I like them both and have enjoyed the opportunity to get fancy and spend a few hours in LeeLee's world.

I also spent some time reading in Vanessa's blog (Cross Dresser Heaven) about her thoughts on Amy Bloom's book, Normal.  Vanessa remarks how the author is dissing the heterosexual crossdresser as lacking the courage to act on their TG desires.  Frankly, imho, the author has no clue as to what goes on in our minds.  I'm not looking for a gender change.  I want only the opportunity to let my inner female loose for a while.  She's been penned up and repressed for a long time.  Now that I've found her, I want to nurture her and give her the chance to grow some.  Is that normal??  Absolutely it is normal for me.

I gave up a long time ago trying to define normal for those around me.  Frankly, I have come to believe that normal is and by rights needs to be a personal decision.  My normal is my normal and you can't go judging me by the standards of your normal.

My friend and mentor, Mistress S., wrote recently about a bad experience with someone who tried to define her by his wishes.  That's abusive in the purest fashion.  So for the "normal" folks out there, don't mess around with me or judge me as you think I should be.  If you can't accept that my normal is what it is, get the F*** out of my space!!