So bad about posting

So now it's spring and my last post is about the new year.  Looking back it has been way too busy with too many people needing me!  That however is one of the things that led me crossdressing in the first place.  While many things don't change, I have and even though time for LeeLee has been scarce, she's still my best side and that keeps me on an even keel (pardon the mixing of metaphors).

Here's a new pic with a spring feeling top and some new jewelry.

Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone

There hasn't been a lot of time to write this past week and even less to think about what I would like to write.  This evening I had an idea start to crawl around in my head and I decided to sit down and see if I could turn it into words.  I thought I'd take a quick look at Mistress S's blog before I started.  She's added a playlist to her sidebar and the second song that turned up on the list was "Ain't No Sunshine..." by Al Green.  I love that version of this song and I let it play for a minute.  Out of the lyrics as Al Green sang came the reality of the idea that had been toying with me.

For a really long time the essence that has become LeeLee has been hiding out in a side of me that I had been denying.  As I said in a previous post, embarking on the cross dressing life, even in a small way, came from an unexpected combination of circumstances.  Once I embraced the femme side of myself, I found a new "sunshine" that chased away a shadow that I'd lived with for so long.  Today, I realize that this part of me that I can now embrace and cherish is what has filled me up and made my "house" (that's me) a "home" (that's me with LeeLee in my mind).

I know, I know, I know, I know that this time she's going to stay!

To Pass or Not??

I have come to know that what motivates a cross dresser to dress femme varies widely.  If the desire is to pass as female while working, shopping, clubbing, etc., then the approach to cross dressing becomes far different than if you only wish to be female for a while and then resume your normal role as male.  For myself, I wish only to explore my female self and find a few friends - or even just one - who will share these times with me.  Crossing in my day-to-day life would be unacceptable to those who matter to me and so I have chosen to seek a safe place to take on my female self and allow those few who are accepting of this to be my friends and encouragers.  Surely you can dress up in the privacy of your empty home, but there is a social void that makes cross dressing alone  unsatisfying for me.

What I have discovered is that having a friend who is a girl to guide me has given me a completely new sense of self as a female.  This one person who has enabled me and empowered me has also shown me the dawning of a relationship with a girl as a girl.  That girl to girl relation has provided me with a sense of affection that doesn't exist in my male to male or male to female relations.  It is extraordinarily unique and pleasing and for that I am so grateful to her.  I will share more about her and how I came to find her just as I will share what brought me to this point after so many years of putting it out of my mind as I write future posts.